Do you think you're ugly?

Blog post published by The Marquette Tribune's website, 11/15/11

My freshman year, one of my professors told our class that we are all ugly, and we all believe we are ugly. Think about it, he said. Why do you put on makeup in the morning? Why do you use deodorant every day? You believe you have to change something about yourself to make yourself better.

This idea has come back to me time and again, especially when I notice ways I have been conditioned to view myself as ugly.

I am generally a proponent of not worrying what others think about you. I could never understand why people in my dorm freshman year took an hour to get dressed to go to class in the morning, straightening their hair, applying a gallon of hairspray and changing jeans – jeans! – multiple times. Why on earth would you sacrifice sleep time like that? No one cares what you wear to class; it’s class. At times, however, I wonder if I actually have the same mentality and am just less blatant about it.

Yesterday, I went to the Rec Center. I knew I wanted to use a treadmill instead of my usual elliptical, and I knew when I’ve used treadmills in the past, my tennis shoe has scraped away the back of my heel, leaving a painful, bloody sore (TMI?). So I put on longer socks to prevent this from happening, the type of sock a mom or dad would wear, but not usually someone of our ankle-sock generation. As soon as I walked outside, I was conscious of the socks. When I got to the gym, I looked around and wondered what people were thinking about them, if people were thinking I was a goody two-shoes or that I was simply clueless fashion-wise. While I didn’t focus on the socks the entire time I was there, I would estimate I probably thought about them at least once every five minutes.

Whaaat? I spent a significant amount of my own me-time worrying that people were judging my socks?? And at the gym, of all places? What does that say about me? What does that say about our society? In thinking about this, I’ve asked myself if the reason I worried so much was because I would judge someone else, however subconsciously, for wearing the same ones. I do not think this is true, but then again, I do not understand the inner workings of my psyche. Maybe it is.

And let’s go back to why I was at the gym in the first place. Yes, I was there primarily because when I do not exercise over the course of several days, I start feeling yucky. But let’s be honest, I was also there because I want to lose weight and make myself more attractive.

I do it, too – the same thing I judged others for doing freshman year. I worry. I feel exposed or think that I look tired when I don’t put on a little makeup in the morning, especially when I go to work. I look in the mirror to envision what other people will see.

To some degree, it is not a bad thing to want to enhance one’s appearance. People have been doing it for thousands of years. On the other hand, if we have reached the point where we do not see our natural selves as beautiful, well, that’s a problem. Our natural selves are all we have, so how could they not be perfect?

I could use lots of song lyrics to cheesily tie into this idea. A couple that spring to mind: the classic “you are beautiful, no matter what they say,” (thanks, Christina) and the more recent “baby, you were born this way,” (so true, Lady Gaga, I mean, Stefani).

On the way back from the gym, though, I heard the following lyrics pounding in my earbuds: “Tell me what do you see when you looking at me – On a mission to be what I’m destined to be” (that’s Maino, featuring T-Pain, for ya). And I’d go with that.

When others look at us, they should not see a face full of makeup or inhale a boatload of Axe. They should see that we’re on a mission to fulfill our destinies, to be our authentic selves. And that, my friends, is beautiful.