Incorporating technology into friendship in a balanced way

One of the things I think we've lost in friendships is the value of not being preoccupied when spending time with someone: not checking text messages to communicate with someone else while having a conversation, not absent-mindedly attempting to do homework on your laptop while half-watching a movie with friends, not listening to headphones every time you walk to class in the morning. Even now I am typing this post as I am with friends as they have a power hour to classic 90s songs of our childhood because I have much more to do for finals week but want to at least be in the presence of friends before leaving for Paris next semester.

However, earlier tonight, I put down my phone, as did most of my work friends, and we sat on the couch and watched a video of us from our once-a-semester giant night together of dancing, drinks, food, and fun. I thought about how maybe it was lame that we were watching a video of ourselves from just a couple of weeks ago, and did we really need a video in the first place? Is part of the thrill of the once-a-semester just that - that besides pictures, we don't have any way to look back on it other than memories, so we look forward to the next one that much more?

Then I realized that it didn't matter if it was "lame" or not to watch a video of ourselves being goofy because the video itself brought us together. At least 20 people showed up in the middle of finals week to watch the 20-minute video all together as a group and laugh together about it. Some people had three exams the next day, I had a paper due at midnight that wasn't finished, but we all deemed it important to come be together for a short while and watch that video our friend had filmed, edited, and burned onto a disc.

So even though I hate it when my friends are texting other friends while trying to have a legitimate conversation with me at the same time - and I hate it when I do the same thing to my friends - I have to admit that technology and our generation's obsession with it is not all bad, and as much as it can separate people from each other, it can bring people together, develop friendship, and spark joy just as much.

Thanksgiving Resolution

Blog post published on The Marquette Tribune's website 12/1/11

“I have three exams on the same day. I hate my life.”

“Why does my professor do this to me?”

“I need coffee if I’m going to survive this day.”

Sound familiar? These are all sentiments most of us share on a regular basis with our friends, especially around this time of year. I know I do, at least. School is hard, and there never seems to be enough time in the day to get everything done.

But let’s be honest. People our age tend to exaggerate. “This class is going to be the death of me.” Is it? Really? Will that class actually make your heart stop beating?

Ellen Degeneres plays on this idea of exaggeration in one of her comedy routines. “People always say things they don’t mean. You know, like people who say ‘the worst thing.’ ‘Oh, the paper cut, that’s the worst thing.’ Is it? Really? Okay… What about pickle juice in your eye? That’s pretty bad, too, isn’t it?”

On the one hand, exaggeration is fun. It makes us feel a little more important and a little more validated that we are conveying the enormity of what we are feeling to another person, and it’s more or less harmless, anyway.

But is it? Words have meaning. Words carry implications. Words are essentially the only way we have to deliberately express exactly what we think. Of course we do not always use our words in this manner, but words are nevertheless how we assert ourselves in society.

Do we ever think about what we are really saying when we complain in this way about our education? We are blatantly dismissing, if not mocking, those who do not get to go to a school like Marquette and would give anything to do so.

We are ignoring the sufferings and sacrifices of girls like 14-year-old Dao Van Hiep in Vietnam, whose story in this New York Times article made my heart ache. Dao wakes up at 3 a.m. to cook for her brother and sister while going over her books. She bikes to school for 90 minutes and arrives 20 minutes early to ensure she is on time. She begs her father to pay for extra tutoring, but at $40, he just cannot afford it.

This is how strongly other people feel about learning. Others understand education to be the key to achieving a better life. It is often the only thing on which they can place hope. Learning is literally at our fingertips, 24 hours a day, and I have to ask, do we feel that same passion?

With a week and half of classes left before exams, stress is practically palpable on campus. The reason for our stress is completely valid, and we do not have to diminish it. But let’s make an effort to be mindful of the way we talk about our stress. Let’s remember that we are lucky we get to be stressed about finals. We don’t have to be stressed about feeding our siblings at the age of 14. We don’t have to be stressed about not having shoes to protect our feet while walking for miles to get to school. Let’s count our blessings that for most of us, the bulk of our stress right now is simply the consequence of getting a $40,000-a-year, first-rate education. And let’s ease up on complaining about the misery of our lives.

What’s the point of waiting until New Year’s to resolve to change our behavior? This can be the Thanksgiving Resolution of the Marquette community: remembering that we chose to go to college and to make that college Marquette. We are (usually) having the time of our lives here in Thrillwaukee. Finals are a tiny price to pay for our privilege.

Do you think you're ugly?

Blog post published by The Marquette Tribune's website, 11/15/11

My freshman year, one of my professors told our class that we are all ugly, and we all believe we are ugly. Think about it, he said. Why do you put on makeup in the morning? Why do you use deodorant every day? You believe you have to change something about yourself to make yourself better.

This idea has come back to me time and again, especially when I notice ways I have been conditioned to view myself as ugly.

I am generally a proponent of not worrying what others think about you. I could never understand why people in my dorm freshman year took an hour to get dressed to go to class in the morning, straightening their hair, applying a gallon of hairspray and changing jeans – jeans! – multiple times. Why on earth would you sacrifice sleep time like that? No one cares what you wear to class; it’s class. At times, however, I wonder if I actually have the same mentality and am just less blatant about it.

Yesterday, I went to the Rec Center. I knew I wanted to use a treadmill instead of my usual elliptical, and I knew when I’ve used treadmills in the past, my tennis shoe has scraped away the back of my heel, leaving a painful, bloody sore (TMI?). So I put on longer socks to prevent this from happening, the type of sock a mom or dad would wear, but not usually someone of our ankle-sock generation. As soon as I walked outside, I was conscious of the socks. When I got to the gym, I looked around and wondered what people were thinking about them, if people were thinking I was a goody two-shoes or that I was simply clueless fashion-wise. While I didn’t focus on the socks the entire time I was there, I would estimate I probably thought about them at least once every five minutes.

Whaaat? I spent a significant amount of my own me-time worrying that people were judging my socks?? And at the gym, of all places? What does that say about me? What does that say about our society? In thinking about this, I’ve asked myself if the reason I worried so much was because I would judge someone else, however subconsciously, for wearing the same ones. I do not think this is true, but then again, I do not understand the inner workings of my psyche. Maybe it is.

And let’s go back to why I was at the gym in the first place. Yes, I was there primarily because when I do not exercise over the course of several days, I start feeling yucky. But let’s be honest, I was also there because I want to lose weight and make myself more attractive.

I do it, too – the same thing I judged others for doing freshman year. I worry. I feel exposed or think that I look tired when I don’t put on a little makeup in the morning, especially when I go to work. I look in the mirror to envision what other people will see.

To some degree, it is not a bad thing to want to enhance one’s appearance. People have been doing it for thousands of years. On the other hand, if we have reached the point where we do not see our natural selves as beautiful, well, that’s a problem. Our natural selves are all we have, so how could they not be perfect?

I could use lots of song lyrics to cheesily tie into this idea. A couple that spring to mind: the classic “you are beautiful, no matter what they say,” (thanks, Christina) and the more recent “baby, you were born this way,” (so true, Lady Gaga, I mean, Stefani).

On the way back from the gym, though, I heard the following lyrics pounding in my earbuds: “Tell me what do you see when you looking at me – On a mission to be what I’m destined to be” (that’s Maino, featuring T-Pain, for ya). And I’d go with that.

When others look at us, they should not see a face full of makeup or inhale a boatload of Axe. They should see that we’re on a mission to fulfill our destinies, to be our authentic selves. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

Bless you! as a human experience

Blog post published by The Marquette Tribune's website, 11/9/11

A few weeks ago, I sneezed in my philosophy class. Immediately, three or four voices rose up in that anticipated chorus, “Bless you!” I blushed at the fact that my sneeze had caused a disruption of class and replied “thanks” while trying to spin my head around to simultaneously acknowledge all of the voices. The class continued.

Since then, I have been paying attention to the reaction of every class whenever someone sneezes. Generally, at least one person will respond; it almost leaves an awkward absence in the air if it’s not said.

My sixth grade teacher used to stop class when someone sneezed and it went unacknowledged, or when people invoked a blessing on the sneezer and the sneezer did not respond with a thank you. This was just rude, she told us.

Has anyone ever stopped and thought about this? How weird this phenomenon is, that we are almost obligated to respond with “Bless you!” or “God bless you!” when someone gets a fuzzy in her nose and her body involuntarily twitches and makes a noise?

Children somehow grow up knowing this. What is even crazier is that children across a multitude of cultures spanning the globe for hundreds upon hundreds of years have grown up knowing this. Responses vary from culture to culture. Some responses send wishes for the sneezer’s health or fortune, others for safety and still others praise for Allah or God. There are plenty of legends and explanations as to how the phrase came about, but I don’t think it really matters at this point. What I think is fascinating is that we still do it, and we likely will still be doing it for centuries to come.

Pondering all of this made me start to think about and notice other societal idiosyncrasies.

Take people in “the elevator,” for instance. It does not matter which elevator; elevator behavior is the same in all of them. You’re the only person on board…cruising on up…the door opens…someone else steps into the box…instinctively, you step to the other side of the box…someone else steps on…everyone shifts. People just do it.

My personal favorite is the dance that ensues on the street when two people headed in opposite directions toward each other each try to go the same way along the path, and then each try to go the other way. Almost powerlessly, this continues until each party chuckles uncomfortably and finally manages to sidestep the other.

We have these responses as human beings. Whether by natural instinct or instinct formed through social conditioning, every one of us seems to share these reactions. And that is simply fascinating.

Last year, I took a seminar about labyrinths. What was most intriguing to me about labyrinths is that almost every human culture invented some form of the labyrinth at around the same time, despite the fact that there was no means of communication or even a knowledge that there were other cultures at that time. When I walk the path of a labyrinth, I participate in an intrinsically human experience.

In my ethics class, we are trying to determine what it is that connects us as humans. Some philosophers say human nature, some say the experience of pleasure, some say rationality. We can probably all agree with the existentialists that we are all at least connected by our common human condition of existence.

I have gotten rather philosophical here, and who knows if anyone is still reading? There really is not much more of a point I am trying to make other than the fact that this question of human connectivity is ever before us, evident through our collective and instinctual responses, and thinking about it fills me with wonder. Therefore, I think you should try it, too, if you have not already.

One myth regarding how the phrase “Bless you” came into being is that it was believed that the heart stopped beating when a person sneezed, and this response was meant to encourage the sneezer’s heart to continue beating.

I like to look at “Bless you” like this – as an affirmation of the human person who sneezed, and as a recognition that those around this person are truly happy he or she is alive.

November - Time for a freshly brewed cup of rejuvenation

Blog post published on the Marquette Tribune website, 11/1/11

Hello, Marquette. Welcome to November. Congratulations on making it past the mid-point of the semester. I imagine I speak for most of the student body when I say that by now, we all are probably entrenched in our activities, overwhelmed by our studies and at least a little sick of eating dorm food or attempting to cook for ourselves.

It is possible we have experienced frustrations with our roommates and are dreading the cold of winter setting in any day now. After returning from a break which seemed to end before it started, we may be starting to feel a little less enthusiastic about Marquette than we did in August.

Or maybe not.

But in my experience as a wise, old junior, I can imagine that in general, we all could use a little affirmation and rejuvenation right about now.

This weekend, I attended the 25th Marquette Experience retreat. This retreat in particular is about embracing the Marquette community around us and realizing all that it has to offer. It encouraged us participants to relax a little bit and allow the people around us to build us up.

One of the speakers on this retreat talked about the Jesuit ideal of “cura personalis,” or care for the whole person. She spoke of a time last week when she was faced with the hardest exam of her life, and she knew she needed to calm her nerves before she could take it. She texted two different people, asking one for a prayer and one for a goofy piece of encouragement. They responded to the call, and she walked into the exam elevated and ready to go.

How simply brilliant.

This person had recognized what she needed at that moment to tackle something difficult, and she used the unique gifts of her friends to help her through it. She let them exercise their roles of “friend,” and in doing so, she exhibited care for not only her whole person, but for each of them as well.

It is so easy in the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day activities to forget that our friends, our professors, our co-workers, our family, our neighbors and our classmates possess special gifts that they are willing to share if only they are called to share them. Think about it: when someone tells you they need a hug, aren’t you delighted to provide one?

As refreshing as retreat was this weekend, it helped me figure out that I do not even need to leave this 90-acre stretch of downtown Milwaukee to get rejuvenated. I need only seek a new experience like taking a different route to class or identifying a beautiful trait of a friend.

And even if you feel as though you lack these people, this sense of community at Marquette (freshmen, I’ve been there, I understand), you are never actually alone.

One of the hilariously beautiful things about Americans in general and Midwesterners in particular is their love of all things optimistic. Why else would silly YouTube videos such as “Jessica’s Daily Affirmation” and “Thumbs Up for Rock and Roll” have a combined viewer count of over 12 million? (If you haven’t seen these, get to the nearest computer and watch them now.)

My point is, most people on this campus cherish human connection and enjoy supporting the people around them, even strangers.

Challenge yourself to smile at a random person on the way to class, or start a conversation with the kid waiting in line in front of you at Marquette Place. Maybe it’ll be awkward, but maybe it won’t be. If you see someone wearing a Cardinals hat, talk about how happy you are that they won the World Series (shameless St. Louis plug, I can’t help myself).

One of my favorite lines of poetry is by David Whyte in a poem called “Everything is Waiting for You.” It reads, “The kettle is singing even as it pours you a drink.” The world is alive around us, and it is ours to embrace.

Notice it. Smile at it. Love it.

And let yourself be rejuvenated.

Virginia Tech - the student journalists' response

One thing I read about in the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shooting was the response of the university newspaper's editor-in-chief and the sports editor. Upon receiving the initial alert, they took off toward the scene to learn more.

As the Collegiate Times website received so much traffic it crashed, they turned to Twitter after relocating to a secure location. They tweeted updates with information every few minutes, gathering news from the police scanner, from what they could see from their dorm windows, and from other students and reporters on campus, according to the New York Times blog post about the coverage.

Within a few hours, the newspaper's Twitter account went from having 2,000 followers to 20,000, and major news outlets such as NPR, ABC, the NYTimes, The Huffington Post, and other major outlets directed readers to the Twitter account for up-to-date info. The reporters' coverage has been lauded as fantastic journalism and they have received praise for their resourceful use of Twitter.

This incident reminded me of the power of platforms such as Twitter and well as the power that we possess, that we can take into our own hands in our recognition that our job is to be a writer and write no matter the circumstance.

The incident also made me ask a few questions -

Would the Marquette turn to The Marquette Tribune as fast as the VA Tech community turned to The Collegiate Times?

Would our reporters be as quick and as resourceful? as courageous? Would I?

It is important as student journalists to hypothetically put ourselves in these situations when they come up. If the answer to the above question is not "yes," we should be asking "why not?" and "how could I change and develop my talents and my courage so that the answer is 'yes?'"

New York Times blogger - lessons to learn

I discovered this Mashable link on Twitter a couple of weeks ago and thought it was extremely relevant to this class and this blog. New York Times blogger Brian Stelter talked about social media and multi media in today's journalism.

Stelter talked about how in today's journalism, even though he would define the New York Times as the "embodiment of old media," you don't really find the "old print stodgy representative of the group" like you might have even three years ago. The aversion to technology is gone, and everyone has embraced the idea that digital media is indeed the future of news.

He did draw the conclusion, however, that after years of preaching about the importance of Twitter, he has realized that Twitter might not be for everyone. Some journalists' talents may be better served through Tubmlr, or Facebook, or simply through email, and there is not a "one size fits all" approach; rather, we as journalists have to figure out what we're best at and expand on it. He did say that everyone will need to be a video reporter, while not necessarily a television reporter.

He advises never hesitating to pitch a story or start a random project if you have a good feeling about it and a unique perspective to bring. He said a Tumbr project you start for a new topic sets you apart and creates a unique online identity for you. On that note, he said we should embrace sharing our personal lives with our readers, not just hard news, because we will be more likely to connect with readers by doing so.

The most important lesson Stelter had to share - and we can learn from - is the lesson that journalists benefit when they listen to their readers, and they benefit even more when they respond to their readers.

He said he wants to believe, although he's never seen it proven in a study, that when he replies to readers on Twitter, they will be a little more likely to subscribe to the New York Times and maintain a loyal readership. Not only does responding make your work better, it makes business better.

I think this is so interesting when thinking about what it means. While in the past, people may not have wanted to know journalists personally or hear about their personal lives for fear of losing a sense of objectivity, now they do, because it creates a feeling of transparency and connectivity. Perhaps this is bad because it heightens readers senses that they get to decide what news is important, but I think it is largely good, because journalists will be able to show them why news that seemingly doesn't affect them is actually relevant.